Filed by B D Warzecha
ITITY Reporter At Large
Earlier this week, after Michelle Bachmann, fearing her waining relevance, reportedly walked through her kitchen, noticed that her calendar was nearly ended, and immediately called upon members of Congress to come together, drop everything, and join her Save The World campaign.
This newly conjectured end-of-the-world date has driven another popular minority into hysterics, while the US has pledged that it will contribute over $2 Trillion to the efforts of Save The World, 25 other leading countries have vowed that if the world is actually saved by these efforts, they will erase all US debt.
As politicians work around the clock to avoid engaging any real world issues, grocery stores, convenience stores, and gas stations nationwide have been emptied of essentials. "It's like hurricane Irene all over again," said New Jersey Governor Chris Christie, "but this time there's no need to take all the food and water, if it's the end of the world, you won't need it."
Leading calendar publisher and expert in the field, Andrews McMeel, has reportedly been asked by Congressional leaders and Save The World to publish an early release of their 2012 edition, effectively erasing the US debt, a publication that remains forthcoming.