Naming Rights to Raise Revenue

Flash from the Front by G Izzy Nasti

Sources within the Obama administration have confirmed that a reliable and recognized method of raising revenue that does not involve increasing taxes is rapidly gaining widespread support.

Essentially the scheme involves the time honored American tradition of selling product placements, but this time on money, national monuments and other communal assets in proportion to the prominence and importance of the placement.

Initial estimates by the Congressional Budget Office have indicated the program, if properly promoted, could potentially raise hundreds of billions of dollars even if foreign corporations were considered ineligible.

Possible procurements may produce the Wal-Mart Supreme Court, White Castle White House and the Ringling Brothers, Barnum and Bailey Combined Shows Capitol Building.

The Pentagon could provide opportunities for offsetting its bloated budget with the Boeing Edwards Air Force Base, the USS Banana Republic and F-16 tails emblazoned with the United Airlines logo.

Not to be overlooked is the profit potential of US currency. Soon people may be able to pay for their fast food with the McDonald’s Dollar Menu dollar bill or the Subway Five Dollar Foot Long fiver.

While polls have indicated a positive response to the LL Bean Yosemite National Park, the Viagra Medicare card and the Goldman, Sachs Government Bond concepts apparently need some propping up.

Asked for his position, Speaker John Boehner said that while the plan to privatize public properties sounded promising, because the President is in favor of the policy, many in his caucus would protest it, simply as a matter of principle.