Uncovered
by B F Koch
ITITY
Financial Correspondent
Decameron,
South Dakota
In
investigating the disbursement of CARES Act stimulus payments, ITITY has
learned that hundreds of millions of dollars intended for small
business relief were actually poured into a gigantic hole in the ground, or, to be
more precise, a luxuriously renovated Cold War missile silo.
Shining
City Elite Survival Shelter investor and resident Matt Miserly set us straight:
“You call it a tragedy; we call it an opportunity. It’s the way things work. It’s
not socialism when it goes to the one percent. It’s just business, pal, you
know, the business of taking care of business.
“Oh, by
the way, you want to know where all those missing medical supplies went?
There’s a warehouse on level forty-five that’s full of the stuff, test kits,
ventilators, everything, and more than we’ll ever need. Yeah, but keep sewing
those face masks all you Girl Scouts, you’re so cute.
“Every
con needs a mark, a sap, a chump. The government is playing its part and the press
is playing their part. Look, he told you what the score was when he came down
that escalator. If you still don’t know who the sucker is, friend, it’s you.”
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