Tuesday, April 7, 2020

Chief Exec Calms Concerns


Quacked into the Void by E C Koch
ITITY Capitol Correspondent

At a hastily assembled press conference held earlier this week, President Trump addressed the growing national crisis.

Quelling mounting anxiety that there might be something to worry about, the President returned to his message of reassurance, noting that the country’s best researchers were working tirelessly to guarantee that his health is absolutely not at risk.

Flanked by two adults, Deborah Birx and Anthony Fauci, President Trump continued by reiterating that the best defense against illness is to wear a mask containing incense when in public spaces.

When asked about the credence of a recent study suggesting that illness was caused, in part, by viruses, the President denied the report’s conclusion, stating, “Look, I’m not a doctor, but I have common sense.”

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