Rabbi Speaks On Birther Bill

Filed by F. Russell Grumman

ITITY Sabbatical Reporter

Phoenix AZ

Shortly before Gov. Brewer’s veto of the Presidential Birther Bill passed by the Arizona legislature, Rabbi Chelm Geltwasser, a respected leader of the small Arizona Orthodox Jewish community, held a press conference to oppose its becoming law.

Rabbi Geltwasser told the press that, outside of the Orthodox community, few Jewish men, and no women, could produce a legal circumcision certificate. He also pointed out that inasmuch as such certificates are written entirely in Hebrew, they would be inadmissible under Arizona’s current requirement that all legal documents be in English, and moreover, they would be incomprehensible to the goyim on the State Elections Board who might understand English or speak just enough Spanish to communicate with their gardeners.

The rabbi also noted that a similar bill had been defeated in the Israeli Knesset as a requirement for being Prime Minister or President when opponents pointed out that phony circumcision certificates were readily available on the black market; leaving physical inspection by a team of moyels the only reliable way to identify the telltale bris handiwork of a true moyel, as opposed to just some pediatrician.

When Rabbi Geltwasser was asked if he had personally talked to Governor Brewer, he said he had not, but emphasized that it was not because he did not speak to shiksas, but because he was very busy preparing for the Sabbath.