Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Trump Investigation Turns Up Trash

Filed by B F Koch
ITITY Media Analyst

Somewhere West of Hawaii

The intrepid travelers had journeyed halfway around the globe in an obsessive search for an elusive document some said did not even exist. 

Then they managed to transmit just three tantalizing words, which would be repeated endlessly in the days to follow, before the fading signal of their satellite phone finally went dead: “This is unbelievable…”

It all began when the Trump investigative team chartered a boat for what was supposed to be a three hour tour. Nearly a week later the tiny ship’s emergency transponder led rescuers to an enormous floating pile of plastic in a remote area of the Pacific Ocean, hundreds of miles from Hawaii.

Among the stranded survivors, a slightly sun burned yet still buoyant Gary Busey was found clutching a small yellow duck he had named after his mentor. The crazy castaway refused to leave the bathtub toy behind saying only “He kept me sane”.

By the time they returned to their hotel, the piece of paper that had been the object of their fateful quest had been found and their self aggrandizing promoter, the Prima Donald himself, now caught in a current he could not control, quickly drifting from public attention, was becoming just another piece of political flotsam.

1 comment:

  1. In his usual understated way, The Donald has allowed an anonymous minion to float a trial balloon indicating that, now that he will no longer be mired in an insignificant series of Republican primaries, he will be available to serve as Pope as soon as the 2011 - 2012 TV season ends. He was heard to say that the presidency is too a small stage for The Donald. He has been quoted as saying, "It would be tasteless for me to suggest how the present Pope would vacate his office and, as you all know, I am nothing if not untasteless." When the anonymous source was asked if this means that this will be The Donald's last season on reality TV, he indicated that they are already working on a pilot for a new show tentatively entitled "Celebrity Prelate" should Pope Donald become a reality. Trump was irate when it was suggested that this may be a publicity stunt saying, "To even suggest that I would do anything merely for attention is a blatantly trumped up charge." The Vatican, as of yet, has been unavailable for comment.