Kucinich Runs To Seattle Following His Seat

Filed by F. Russell Grumman
ITITY Political Affairs Correspondent

Washington, DC

After losing a congressional seat in the 2010 census, the Republican controlled Ohio legislature, who had no hope of ever defeating Dennis Kucinich, simply redistricted his Cleveland seat out of existence, intending to end the political career of the congressman whom some, even in his own party, call “the strangest little dude in the House”.

Their optimism was perhaps premature. In an almost unprecedented move, Kucinich defiantly released a statement that said in part, “You can move my seat from Cleveland, but you can’t stop me from following it“, and went on to announce that over the summer recess he will literally run across the country from Cleveland to Seattle where he will test the Pacific Coast waters to contest the newly created seat that Washington has gained.

Noting that for the first time in years he will need a substantial campaign war chest, Kucinich said he is reluctantly selling sponsorships for his cross country run. He’ll use a new style of Sketchers running shoes; poetically called the Sketchy. His running suits will be made in China and supplied by JC Penney, but will bear the logos of Starbucks, Boeing and Microsoft.

For the first half of the run Kucinich will wear a Cleveland Indians baseball cap. Once past the Continental Divide he intends to ceremoniously toss his hat into the headwaters of the Columbia River and let it float west toward Seattle, and then don a Seattle Mariners cap. Reached for comment, a Major League Baseball spokesman said, “First Amendment rights aside, we are considering legal action to prevent the congressman from desecrating our trademarks”.