Rep. Bachmann Remains Hospitalized

Filed by F. Russell Grumman

ITITY 2012 Campaign Field Reporter

Rochester MN

Dr. Sergio Aioli, Director of Rare Disease Research at the Mayo Clinic, updated the press yesterday on the condition of Rep. Michelle Bachmann (R-MN), who has been under observation for several months after succumbing to fits of a mysterious apoplexy.

Aioli stated that, taken as a whole, her symptoms were consistent with a hitherto rare disorder called Metatarsal Oral Dislodgement Disorder, also known as MODD, a syndrome which has recently broken out in a disturbing number of cases among Caucasian tea drinkers – particularly those who mixed their tea with Kool-Aid – and, most seriously, among politicians, especially those who have recently visited Iowa.

He went on to say that while MODD could often be mistaken for simple political paranoia, pandering, and demagoguery, its victims were often distinguishable by their unswerving insistence that the greatest dangers to freedom in the U.S. today are: overpaid teachers, high taxes on the richest Americans and, most of all, National Public Radio.

When asked by one reporter what tests were being performed on Rep. Bachmann, Dr. Aioli responded that while he could not enter into too much detail due to patient confidentiality, one test was to administer to the potential MODD victim a standard U.S. Citizenship Test, which included such true/false questions as: "John Quincy Adams was a Founding Father; the Battle of Lexington took place in New Hampshire; the Founding Fathers outlawed slavery; the American flag was first sewn by Nancy Reagan at the request of her husband President Ronald Reagan; and Hawaii was not state in 1961.”