Friday, June 24, 2011

Trait Reveals Political Future

Filed by F. Russell Grumman
ITITY Political Research Reporter

Washington DC

In a soon to be published article in the Journal of the American Medical Association doctors at the Bethesda Medical Center, where under their health plan members of Congress are treated for free, will reveal the results of a 40 year study of their patients from both sides of the aisle.

Their research has reportedly found a specific set of genetic markers, statistically prevalent in Republicans and almost absent in Democrats, which seem to determine the level of spinal bone density or strength.

It is not all good news for the right however, as the very same genes apparently inhibit the cognitive brain functions which lead to the development of positive and flexible thinking, intellectual curiosity, and the ability to deal realistically with others.

The controversial implications indicate that Democrats, while genetically inclined to possess a sense of humor and the ability to enjoy life, remain unable to defend any position they might come to hold, whereas Republicans will argue and protect anything they’re told is important however damaging or bizarre.

What remains unknown is whether it will be possible for a future government-funded program to selectively modify or manipulate the gene pool in an effort to normalize partisan mind-sets and eliminate the historically troublesome and time-consuming process of opinionated political discourse.

1 comment:

  1. I read in another soon to be published article in the Journal of the American Medical Association that this gene also hinders Republicans sense of direction, likely explaining why Palin thinks she can see Russia from her compound.