Filed by F. Russell Grumman
ITITY International Affairs Correspondent
Paris France
Coinciding with the declaration of his presidential candidacy, the world’s most famous maker of luxury hand bags has announced a revolutionary line of luggage in honor of Newt Gingrich, carrying the promotional tag “A Natural Fit“.
After clarifying that she has had nothing but a purely professional relationship with Mr. Gingrich, Louis Vuitton spokeswoman, Michelle La Strumpette revealed the new line to the trade press explaining that it was inspired by the ethically challenged former Speaker of the House, whose name and the word baggage are nearly synonymous.
She added that it is Lois Vuitton’s intention to change the common connotation of baggage by calling it luggage in much the same way that Gingrich, by finding religion, was transformed from a morally deficient adulterer and egotistical hypocrite into a loving grandfather and faithful husband.
Aesthetically, the luggage features the famous LV brand design in black and white, corresponding with its namesake’s world view. Lined in red, white and blue, the pieces are spacious enough to accommodate skeletons, both real and metaphorical.
A first for Louis Vuitton, the new line will be manufactured with faux leather as it was considered appropriate that the Gingrich Collection be a cheap imitation that passes itself off as the real thing.
It has been revealed by Gingrich himself at a news conference he called to humbly & uncharacteristically trumpet his new sartorial accomplishments that, "In keeping with my aesthesioneurosis I will be personally conceiving a minimum of 500 bag designs a week for the new line, none of which will actually work." Following the news conference there was a mad dash of reporters to the library to actually look up the definition of "aesthesioneurosis."
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