Michelle the Belle Flirts With Iowa

Flash From the Front by G. Izzy Nasti

During a month when Republican presidential politics played more like a Looney Tunes cartoon than a race for the White House, a time when the most articulate candidate actually said, “Anyone who quotes me accurately is a craven liar”, Michele ‘the Belle’ Bachmann has successfully muddied the political waters in America’s heartland even more than the Mississippi River overflowing its banks. 

At a recent Tea Party rally at the Pentecostal church in the tiny town of Springfield, Iowa she affirmed, “It is my patriotic privilege and I am humbled by the honor of announcing today, on this stage, on the very spot where Abraham Lincoln began his awesome political career, my intention of possibly declaring in the very near future my decision, which I am very close to making, of running for the highest office in this great land of ours.

When a Benjamin Franklin costumed crowd member yelled, “Wrong Springfield!  Lincoln was from Illinois!”  Bachmann responded, “Well, we in the Tea Party all live in the proud land of Lincoln. We may not be able to see Russia from Minnesota, but we can sure see the handwriting on the wall.”  She went on to assert that she both supports and opposes the Ryan plan for Medicare “In the strongest possible terms. We will take no prisoners.”

After quieting the crowd she solemnly stated, “There are those who think I am not equipped to run this race. To them I say I am cute. I am thin. I wear fashionable glasses. If you want a geography expert, vote for a Democrat!”