Sunday, March 27, 2011

Gingrich Emails Expose Trashy Temptations

Washington DC

Newt Gingrich, author of several alternative history novels and newly converted catholic, is the subject of a rash of recently leaked emails that reveal he did a little more than cheat on the wife he cheated on his first wife with.

The messages, both sent and received by the 2012 presidential contender, divulge his unseemly associations with a tawdry list of cocktail lounge cougars, truck stop chippies, trailer park sluts, singles bar skanks, tramp stamp tarts, porn tat trollops, pool hall hoochies, bowling alley floosies, switchblade bimbos, biker chick babysitters, and part time pole dancers that may easily outnumber the 841/2  ethics violations he was charged with while Speaker of the House.

Although Gingrich’s initial statement claimed the disclosure of the documents was yet another attempt by the liberal media to discredit him, within the hour, seeking the last refuge of most common scoundrels, he asserted the correspondences were evidence of his patriotism.

Echoing the explanation he originally put forward on the Christian Broadcasting Network, he proudly proclaimed “I was driven by passion, it was hard, and things happened”.

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