Somewhere in the Arctic
After analyzing thousands of recently obtained core samples, noted climatologist Dr. Foster Rime and research assistant Milt Warren have postulated that the arctic ice cap is mostly slush.
Dr. Rime explained “Between the freezing surface and thawing base is a thick layer of semi liquid icy slurry. To our amazement, isotope dating of carbon dioxide bubbles in this stratum indicated the gas had remained in a stable solution for eons.”
Rime continued “It was then my young colleague suggested assessing the effectiveness of sequestering CO2 in frozen carbonated beverages. The breakthrough came when we discovered significant mitigation appeared to correlate with the immediacy of consumption.”
After securing investment capital from a consortium of environmentally concerned celebrities, Rime and Warren announced their partnering with 7-Eleven in the promotion of Slurpees to the Eskimo market with the ad slogan “Go With the Floe” and began testing the popularity of several refreshing tropical fruit flavors with the local population.
The team’s scientific achievements and financial successes are to be published in an upcoming edition of the prestigious British journal Temperamental Nature in a peer reviewed paper titled Poking Holes in North Pole Finally Pans Out.
At the time of this post Milt Warren was unfortunately unavailable for comment as he was still at the Robert E Peary Research Station and Tipping Point Study Center dispensary recuperating from severe brain freeze.