Military Personnel Remain At Pentagon

Arlington VA 

A meeting of the Joint Chiefs of Staff at the Pentagon earlier this week, which purportedly was called with the intent to discuss overseas military operations and the latest Lagerfeld-inspired Spring collection, has apparently met with some confusion and has been stalled indefinitely due to a supposed “Official Operations Meeting” appellation debate.

What began as a regularly scheduled conference quickly turned to contention as the Joint Chiefs were unable to unanimously agree on how to officially address the “Official Operations Meeting” they themselves were conducting. Though this behavior is not without precedent, it has led some to speculate that the relationship among the Joint Chiefs has become divisive.

The confusion compounded after a recess to the meeting (currently unnamed) left the Joint Chiefs unable to locate a functional exit from the room they were occupying. This led Vice Chairman Gen. James Cartwright to propose an immediate increase in military personnel to the room in order to assist the Joint Chiefs in finding their way out. An unofficial total number of 53 personnel came to aid the Joint Chiefs out of the conference room, only to find that they were in fact going to remain there, as Gen. George W. Casey put it, “Until the job is done.”

There is as yet no official timetable in place as to when the Joint Chiefs are expected to announce the name of the “Official Operations Meeting,” nor is there any report as to when the Joint Chiefs will locate a suitable exit from their conference room. Head military advisors have already called for a rise in the number of staff to assist the Joint Chiefs by twenty percent, potentially placing the new total number of military personnel actively devising an exit strategy for the Joint Chiefs at 64, which is only expected to mount in the weeks and months to follow.

Business at the Pentagon is expected to continue unaffected regardless of this temporary setback.