Saturday, March 26, 2011

Website To Offer Assistance

Palo Alto CA, the 21st century repository of all things medical and long-preferred reference guide to hypochondriacs the world over, has announced a new plan this week to offer online do-it-yourself surgery options for their uninsured users.

This announcement comes in response to an overwhelming number of requests to the site from people seeking help with various medical problems who were otherwise unable to afford the cost of professional assistance, largely from want of health insurance. Due to the fact that a majority of these requests were deemed “imminent medical emergencies” in the parlance of the healthcare industry by the website’s medical staff, a team of experts working for Webmd have devised a list of step-by-step procedures that can be performed at home using ordinary household items. The list of procedures ranges from the sophomoric boil lancing to the Byzantine pancreaticoduodenectomy.

In addition to the guidelines provided by the site, a section for user comments will also be added whereby any online user can share advice, comment on, or provide photos of their own attempted operations. One spokesman for the site commented on this feature stating, “We wanted this feature to be interactive, to have a social networking feel, as a way to help alleviate some of the stresses that naturally come about during a potentially life-threatening operation. We want to create the impression that there are people out there who know what it’s like to remove their own kidney or sew back a severed finger.”

Though only time will tell how the new plan will work, Webmd personnel remain optimistic; “We think this could be very successful. It’s another option for the growing population of uninsured in this country. I guess morally we just couldn't do nothing while we knew these people were suffering. Really though, who could do that?”

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