Saturday, March 19, 2011

Utah Upholds Marriage Laws

Salt Lake City UT 

Mitt Romney, one-time Massachusetts governor, presidential candidate and synchronized swimming enthusiast, is reported to have funneled hundreds of thousands of dollars to well known Salt Lake-based anti-straight marriage group ReignBow Coalition.

Romney, who’s recent bestseller American Mediocrity: Why We Should Be Fine With Fourth Or Fifth Place has catapulted him among the frontrunners for the 2012 GOP presidential nomination, has also stated that the allegations that he has been funding the anti-straight marriage group is, “Based in fact, founded in reality and absolutely true.”

When asked how he felt this revelation would affect his chances in a potential upcoming election, Romney claimed that his constituency have long expected their political leaders to uphold traditional marriage laws, and would generally not stand for anything beyond a heterosexual civil union stating “Whatever these people want to do in the privacy of their homes, behind closed doors, is fine with me, but to suggest that straights should be allowed to get married violates the very sanctity of marriage and tears at the fabric of American culture itself.”

ReignBow Coalition, a conservative LGBT association that has been lobbying Congress for the better part of the decade to ensure that marriage remains between same-sex partners, said about the idea of a marriage between a man and a woman, “Where does it end? They’ll want to marry their dogs next.”

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