Saturday, April 16, 2011

Contraption Harnesses Hot Air

Filed by F. Russell Grumman
ITITY Aerotechnology Reporter

Washington DC

The U.S. Department of Energy announced recently that it has awarded a block grant of $10 million to Mr. Asher Taulk of Sausalito, CA, who earlier this year was issued a patent for a combined microphone/micro-wind turbine called the Bloviator Generator. The device looks very much like the classic pinwheel toy, except that its propellers are made from durable ultralite materials sensitive to the exhalation of someone speaking into the high quality microphone located at its axis. Like the full-sized wind turbines with which everyone is familiar, the mechanical energy created by its motion is efficiently turned into electricity by a micro-turbine.

The DOE said, after having tested prototypes of the device at speakers’ rostrums in the Senate and House of Representatives, as well as in the White House Press Room, specifically during the past six weeks of budget debate, that they were so impressed by the device that they transferred funds that had previously been earmarked for a congressionally-earmarked project, that would now not go forward because of budget cuts, to the grant to Mr. Taulk for commercial development of the production of his device.

Leaders at the DOE went on to say that they had severely underestimated both the amount of air that could be produced by their test audience and the incredible efficiency of the device, noting that the latter is especially remarkable considering how no one in government is very familiar with anything that does anything efficiently. Estimating the utility of the device, the DOE said they believed that by installing one of them at every microphone used by every branch and every level of government in the country over the next five years, they could generate enough electricity to entirely eliminate the need for coal or nuclear power plants within the United States.

1 comment:

  1. Carol Tobias, in her recent acceptance speech as President of the Nat'l Right to Life Council, praised Mr. Taulk's contraption. She suggested he work on a way of attaching condoms to his invention which can be effectively used to store the hot air generated, thus providing an alternative socially acceptable use for these otherwise sinful latex devices. Ms. Tobias recommended renaming the revised invention the Bloviator Generating Condom Contraption.