Filed by F. Russell Grumman
ITITY Current Affairs Reporter
Las Vegas NV
The Las Vegas office of the famed William Morris Agency today confirmed that it will represent disgraced and now resigned U.S. Senator John Ensign (R-NV). Morris stated that it is exploring a number of options on Ensign’s behalf, first and foremost is a one-man show starring Ensign as the legendarily self-absorbed narcissist J. Peterman, made famous by his clueless antics on The Seinfeld Show, who he closely resembles.
While Ensign has no professional acting experience, his natural talent for acting was clear, having performed in the Senate for years as a faithful family man and stalwart upholder of American family values, displaying outrage at every opportunity over immorality of every kind, while privately out-philandering even Newt Gingrich.
A spokesperson for Morris said, “Senator Ensign’s ability to combine unsurpassed compartmentalization with world class hypocrisy speaks for itself with respect to his acting ability. Moreover, it was thought for years that Ensign was actually doing his impression of Peterman whenever he spoke on the Senate floor, so doing it on-stage would not be much of a stretch.”
Morris went on to indicate that it is currently in negotiations on Ensign’s behalf with both Donald Trump and the West Las Vegas Motel 6 for rights to host a show, tentatively titled, “It’s The Peter, Man!” To sweeten the deal, Morris said that Ensign is prepared to consider acting as a casino greeter at no additional charge on the condition that he be provided with escorts at no additional charge, save for the requisite gratuity.