Saturday, April 30, 2011

Species Back From Brink

Portland OR

There was exciting news earlier this week as another former endangered species was taken off the endangered species list after it was discovered that they were, in reality, left on the list mistakenly, ensuring their protection for far too long, resulting in what is now considered an overpopulation problem.

It was originally feared that their propensity toward self-destructive behavior would lead to their inevitable extinction, necessitating their preservation, as they have been known to periodically step out in front of traffic, eat themselves to death, and even fatally attack each other with little to no provocation.

Prior to their comeback it was universally held that such an explicitly stupid animal could not possibly survive on its own without outside intervention, however their prodigious, and heretofore wholly unexpected growth rate, has seen them back from peril. Currently scientists can only speculate as to how the reintroduction of the species will ultimately affect the environment, but they remain hopeful that their natural levels will be quickly achieved.

Scientists’ attentions were brought to this issue of overpopulation after it was observed that this species had in fact begun concentrating into large groups, termed states, where without the threat of natural selection, they had actually achieved the manipulation of their own environs, while openly worshiping what appears to be a remarkably delicate system of bartering, coined economy; both of which distinguishes this species as entirely unique and, arguably, worth protecting.

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