Friday, April 1, 2011

Flag Draped Dancer Admits Knowing Newt

Filed by F. Russell Grumman
ITITY 2012 Campaign Field Reporter

Washington DC

One of the previously referred to female acquaintances of Newt Gingrich came forward today to, as she put it, “ya know, defend his patriotism and like, set the record straight”. The young woman, identified as Betsy Rossbacher, said that while working her way through beautician school in the 90’s, she supported herself as an exotic dancer in the D.C. area, using the stage name “Betsy Ross”.

She claimed to have met the former Speaker, Representatives Dick Armey and Tom Delay as well as Senator Larry Craig in 1998 immediately after the House voted to impeach President Clinton, when she was performing at the notorious K-Street Klub. As she related the story, the group was sitting at a stage side table as she approached the signature climax of her routine, which was to slowly unwrap herself from an American flag as the music played God Bless America.

She continued “That’s when Newt just like, jumped on the stage. At first I thought he was like, coming for me ya know, but he like, totally grabbed my flag instead. Didn’t want it like, touching the floor, I guess. At first I thought he was like, kinda weird, but then he just seemed kinda cute, ya know like, patriotic and all. Anyway that’s like, how it all started.”

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