Friday, April 15, 2011

Corporate Acquisition Appears Imminent

Washington HQ

The most recent development out of United States of Canada Inc. corporate headquarters in Washington is that the acquisition of Scandicorp LLC, which has been rumored over the past several months, has reached the final stages of negotiations. Scandicorp, whose 2037 consolidation joined the five Scandinavian nations as well as the Netherlands to become the seventh largest company worldwide, have agreed to what should represent the first ever intercontinental corporate merger.

Scandicorp’s majority ownership of the Iraqistani Oil and Date subsidiary, among other energy holdings, should serve to ease domestic fuel costs where prices have climbed to as high as $18.50 per metric gallon.

Citizen-shareholders of USC Inc. are being told to expect a positive, however marginal, gain in stock prices by the upcoming quarter in direct response to the merger, regardless of a future stock valuation. Outside of the direct impact in reduced fuel and dried fruit prices, this merger should also present a considerable reduction in economic pressure, exerted primarily by USC Inc.’s closest competitor ChinAsia Group.

USC Inc. president and CEO Bristol Palin stated concerning the acquisition, “We look forward to a simple and painless transition as Scandicorp shifts into their new corporate home. Naturally, we the citizen-shareholders of United States of Canada Inc., anticipate a mutually beneficial partnership with Scandicorp, and see the expansion of our corporate-nation as evidence of our superior business prowess. Of course we’re aware that it will take them time to learn the language, customs, and derivatives formulas, but given their impressive record we don’t foresee any problems. Obviously, given the direction that corporate-nations worldwide are headed, namely toward consolidation, we are very pleased to have reached an equitable agreement with Scandicorp.”

2 comments:

  1. My personal favorite post so far!! Well done.

    ReplyDelete
  2. That's a riot! Thanks for the link at CFN.

    ReplyDelete