Contributed by F. Russell Grumman
ITITY Current Affairs Correspondent
Reese Manning, Captain of the Gainesville Volunteer Fire Department recalls this afternoon’s incident at Reverend Terry Jones’s Dove World Outreach Center “As I recollect, me and the men were just a drivin by when we seen the smoke. Considerin how dry it’s been in these parts lately, we figured we’d best have a look”.
“There were about a dozen of em in there, looked like the whole congregation was a havin themselves a barbeque. Seemed innocent enough at first, but of course with ole Terry you just can’t be too careful. So I figured we were obliged to you know, hose er down a little bit”.
“I never seen the men get so carried away though. By the time it was over I think they pumped enough dang water to float a dang ark. Near as likely drained that there swamp over yonder. Drippin parishioners was a runnin every which way. At one point Terry was face down in it, but I think he’s probably alright now”.
“Well, I recon y’all heard about how things have a way of, you know catchin fire around here. So yeah, we baptized the sumbitch alright”.