Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Drug Trial Prematurely Ended

Filed by F. Russell Grumman
ITITY Cognitive Neuroscience Correspondent

Washington DC

In a joint statement released today by the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) and pharmaceutical multinational GlaxatixBovineScatt (GBS), it was announced that the current national drug study being conducted by GBS on the hitherto promising memory loss prevention drug, Flipaflopin, is being ended because of dangerous side effects.

According to the FDA, the drug was being tested primarily on politicians, a high-risk study group in which forgetfulness, the drug’s targeted symptom, is both common and easily observable. In the days before everything a politician said was recorded and retained by the media, this political forgetfulness was often tragically mistaken for merely reversing positions out of convenience, exemplified in the now well known cases of Sen. John Kerry and former Gov. Mitt Romney.

Ultimately the disturbing trend that caused the discontinuance of the trial was that subject politicians forgot that everything they said was being recorded, and could be easily replayed once they contradicted themselves, before they would subsequently deny having even made the statement after having their contradictory statements played back to them, effectively compounding the symptom the drug was originally intended to cure.

The critical decision was made to cancel the trial after the FDA revealed that the problems with Flipaflopin began to surface in 2010, when test subject and Nevada Senate candidate Sharon Angle, vehemently denied that she ever talked about “Second Amendment remedies” and later when subject Sen. John McCain (R-AZ), denied having said he even thought of himself as a “Maverick.” Politicians’ memory loss and forgetfulness is expected to continue indefinitely until the adverse effects of Flipaflopin can be remedied.

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