Saturday, April 9, 2011

Teacher Tried On Corruption Charges

Filed by E C Koch
ITITY Education Editor

New Athens IA

Parents at local Hellas Regional High School have taken legal action against the school’s contentious philosophy teacher and baklava enthusiast, Mr. Sokriteese, on charges of corruption and impiety. Though the charges were filed for largely symbolic reasons, Mr. S, as he’s known familiarly by his students, has in fact been found guilty and currently awaits sentencing.

In a bizarre demonstration of legal theatrics a sophisticated team of three lawyers acted for the prosecution, while Mr. S chose to act as his own defense. When asked to account for his classroom behavior, where he is known to ask questions for the entire class period, Mr. S preferred instead to relate a story about a friend’s spelunking expedition from several years earlier, none of which was admitted to the record.

On the charges of corruption specifically, Mr. S remarked somewhat aloofly, “What is corruption? Is it to change something from one state to another? If so, then indeed teaching is corruption as it changes the student from a state of ignorance to enlightenment. So yes, as a teacher, I stand guilty of these charges of corrupting the youth.”

Though some are beginning to claim that they never meant for things to escalate to the point of actual prosecution, most parents are adamant that Mr. S remains a genuine threat to their children. The mother of a Hellas High senior, Mrs. Meletous said, “It’s time this Mr. S just sticks to the curriculum. All he’s going to accomplish with his so-called method is to create a legion of senseless kids who have only been taught how to question. I think surely it’s clear now that we won’t stand for such perversions.”

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